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mood |
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 irritated |
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music |
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Robin Thicke// Everything I can't have |
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I seem to think there's a lot on my plate right now, but maybe the plate is just small and what's on it looks HUGE.
It's vacation and it's not horrible, but it's only Tuesday. Friday, Monday, and today I worked the concession stand for the senior class at the wrestling tournement and basketball games. I kind of recent the fact that myself and one other senior were there for the past two days. I really love my friends who are seniors and I adore and love them, but the class as a whole is lazy, unproductive, selfish, uncaring, and just unresponisive and irresponsible. This doesn't go for everyone, or even anyone, this is just what the class has shown the school it can be/is, the description could be way off and i dont know.
My mom pointed something out tonight that was really annoying. And thinking back on it, everything she said happened and it was awkward and totally was read the wrong way most likely. whatever, it's really no big deal, just annoying.
My parents have been fighting non-stop today it seems. My dad left and went to the city for awhile I guess to cool off, but they just started again when he got home. My mom and I left and then they started again when we got home. I really hate it. I feel like things are just falling apart around me and I seek out the wrong attention from the wrong people because I think it will make me feel better. It doesnt. That never works. Josh called in the middle of the last fight, I told him and he told me that we're moving out over the summer, we'll be fine and make it on our own and so will our parents. He said that he feels with in 6 months of us being gone mom and dad will officially seperate or even divorce. I got upset and started crying. Yes, I cried. I told him to shut up and he just responded with just wait, we'll be okay and he hung up. I know my parents were separated before and it was fine. Me my mom and josh did fine. We were happy, both of my parents still loved us, there just wasn't fighting. It would be the same in this situation if it is to happen, except I wont be home for it. I'll feel like a dimembered part of the family, like no one consulted me on the issue. And then the money issue will hit me and I'll become depressed about that again and be miserable and with being away from home, who knows how I'll handle that. I worry too much.
I've lost a total of two friends in the last week. Well one and a half. One friend I was really harsh too, I told him the truth when he didn't need to hear it, when he was really low and really bad and I just knocked him over with saying he's fucked up and needs a lot of help. Those weren't the words, I said it nicely, professionally really if that even possible or makes sense, but it was wrong at the time to do and now he won't talk to me. He was one of my best friends, and I was one of the few of his left on the island and I killed it. However what he was saying and how he was acting was not exactly theeeee besssssst either. The other friend I just don't feel comfortable around anymore. I don't feel right around unreal people and he's hiding something and is just coming off as a fake and it's stupid, but I just choose not to deal with it because it then makes me feel fake.
this entry was really long. but I had to make up for some lost time. right?
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